The Gospel Writers

One of the ways people like to use to discredit God’s Word is assumed ‘discrepancies’ within the four gospels of the New Testament - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  Do you know who these four men are? Are they disciples; some of the ‘Twelve’? That’s the usual assumption.  Four men, close to Jesus, who followed Him around during His ministry and then wrote about it.  Right? Wrong.  Only two of them were part of Jesus’ inner circle.  Who they are, their association with Jesus and their audience all influenced what they wrote in their testimonies.  Let’s get to know them better.

Matthew is also know as Levi.  He was a Jew, but a despised one.  He worked for the hated Roman government as a tax collector. This wasn’t a job he was forced into. People had to bid for the jobs, so he chose to be in this despised profession and in so doing, he betrayed his own people and they hated him for it.  He sat in a booth on one of the roads into town collecting a toll from everyone who passed by.  As part of his job, he had a certain amount to collect, but was given the freedom to collect whatever he wanted above and beyond that amount for himself, making him a very rich man.  Jesus walked by his booth one day and called Matthew to follow Him (Matt 9:9). Matthew dropped everything and did just that.  His life made a 180 degree turn and he repented.  His testimony is written for his own people, the Jews, likely in their native tongue.  Those of his own race would know what a change his life had taken.  Being one of the ‘Twelve,’ he was an eyewitness to the accounts of Jesus’ life he writes about. His testimony shows the power of God on repentant sinners.  Matthew focused on the fact that Jesus was the awaited Messiah and fulfilled Old Testament prophesies.  His listing of the genealogy of Jesus was important to him in showing that Jesus was who He said He was.  

Mark was not one of Jesus’ disciples.  In fact, he likely wasn’t an eye witness to anything he wrote about in his gospel.  History counts him as a traveling partner of Peter (1 Peter 5:13), Barnabas (Acts 12:12, 25; 13:5; 13:13; 15:36-41) and later Paul (Col 4:10; Philemon 24; 2 Tim 4:11), someone who could speak and write in other languages, translating for Peter during his sermons and writing them down.  His account is likely dictated by Peter as to what Peter saw as he followed Jesus. He wrote his gospel for Romans who thrived on action, so he focused on Jesus’ actions and his role as a conqueror, as well as His seemingly counterintuitive role as a servant.  He carefully explained Jewish practices and translated Jewish terms into Roman equivalents (Mark 2:18; 7:3,4; 12:18,42). He wrote his gospel for effect; short and to-the-point; sometimes writing events out of the order portrayed in other gospels.  His account is considered the first written of the four, standing as an example to the other three.

Luke was also not one of the ‘Twelve,’ but a Gentile converted to Christianity.  His book is considered to have been written more to converted Greeks, telling the historical account of Jesus’ life, but was appropriate for any Christians.  He is believed to have been a companion of Paul on his missionary journeys (Col. 4:14; 2 Tim 4:11; Philemon 24).  It is thought that he used some of Mark’s material to write his own book, but being more educated and possibly some kind of medical professional, corrected Mark’s Greek and focused on illnesses and healing.  He also stresses Jesus’ relationships with people and the work of the Holy Spirit.  Luke holds the distinction of paying close attention to the women in Jesus’ life and ministry.  He is also considered the writer of the book of Acts.

John, of course, was one of Jesus’ closest friends.  He is said to have been bold and ambitious, called a ‘Son of Thunder’ with his brother James.  They fought over who would be able to sit next to Jesus in Heaven (Matt 20:20-8).  He was the son of a fisherman, but is thought to have been well-versed in God’s Word and theological language.  Contrary to his personality, his work is focused on love - God’s love for us and the love we should have for each other.  His gospel shows how Jesus can renew the mind and make us new creations through his own personal testimony.  He also stressed the diety of Jesus, beginning his account focused on the fact that Jesus is ‘the Word’ and has always existed.  Unlike the other three gospels, which set us as observers of Christ’s life and so draws us to worship Him, John invites us to follow Him and believe.

Of course, there may be historical differences on who people believe Mark and Luke were and the language in which they were written, but it still stands that the four gospels were not just the same story written from different viewpoints, but had different purposes, audiences and personalities to consider.  The perceived discrepancies are not discrepancies at all.  They show a multi-dimensional Jesus and how differently He effects each person and how personal He is with each of us.  Each of us has our own testimony of how Jesus has changed us and ministered to us.  That doesn’t indicate someone untrustworthy, but someone who knows us intimately.

Christian Civil Disobedience

The events of the past few days have been heavy on my mind and I find myself going back and forth on the subject of Christian civil disobedience.  First, I want to say that I am a Bible-believing Christian and I love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and seek to follow Him in all I do.  This post is not about what we SHOULD do, it is just a discussion starter.  I am not sure how we should respond to all that is going on, but I am doing the only thing I know how to do - look to scripture to see how Jesus and His followers handled situations like this.

My first concern with this is that in fighting for our ‘rights’, that we are focusing on ourselves and our cause rather than the hearts of those we fight against.  The Great Commission didn’t tell us to go into all the world and fight for our right to practice our faith as we please.  It says, “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matt 28:19-20).  If we are fighting for OUR rights, are we telling people about Jesus in the way we were called to? Romans 13 tells us to be subject to the authorities and governments God has placed over us and not to rebel against these authorities in order to maintain a clear conscience. It also states that to fulfill God’s law, all that is required is to love others.  

My second concern is our perspective on our mission as Christians.  We seem to think that our mission is to condemn sin and that somehow people will desire to come to know Christ as a result of our reminders.  Throughout the New Testament the word truth is used over and over again.  Personally, I have always thought that truth meant the law, but I was reminded today that Truth means Jesus.  He said that He is ‘the Way, the Truth and the Life’.  John 8:32 states that 'we will know the Truth and the Truth will set us free' meaning only Jesus can set people free.  ‘Speaking the truth in love…’ (Ephesians 4:15) truly becomes telling people about Jesus rather than nicely telling them the sins they are committing.   As I mentioned above, God calls us to communicate His love and let that be the difference in us. It is not our job to change hearts and minds.  We can try all we want, but we can only modify behavior.  Only Jesus can transform hearts and minds.  We are only asked to tell and invite. When faced with Jesus, people become very aware of how they fall short and are then overwhelmed with his offer of grace in spite of it all.  

There are many situations where people disobeyed authorities in order to preach the gospel or to worship God, but not many where the situation called for a Christian to rebel against the government in order to fight for rights.  Yes, I do believe that the punishment for this particular clerk refusing to do a certain part of her job was extreme.  Most people would have been fired or compelled to resign, not jailed.  However, personally, I would have found her more of a ‘hero’ of the faith if she was doing what her job required yet slipping tracts in the papers or saying ‘Jesus loves you and so do I’.  We have a misguided idea that if we don’t point out a person’s sin or we do something that seems to condone their behavior, that we are abandoning our faith.  We need to refer to how Jesus related to those who needed Him most.  Are we really gaining anything if we maintain our rights but neglect to offer spiritual freedom to another person? Obviously there is no ‘one size fits all’ response because, on a physical level, a doctor being forced to perform abortions is VASTLY different than a clerk being forced to sign her name to a marriage license for a same-sex couple. Also, I realize that there are many other dynamics involved in this in regards to our government systems.  This is just something for us to think about because it’s not going to get better and it will most likely affect you personally in some way.  

Do you have thoughts about this? I’m sure you do.  Feel free to discuss, but please be courteous.  As we come closer to ‘the end’, it is imperative that we live in unity as Christians (Ephesians 4).

The Book of Lila

Throughout the Old Testament, there are books about specific people - Job, Ruth, Esther, etc.  In reality, these books are not truly about these particular people, but is their testimony on how God worked in them, through them and on their behalf.  These stories are ultimately about God and His relationship with imperfect humanity.  His love and mercy shines through in each of them and I believe that each of us has our own book of the Bible (forget for a second that we are commanded NOT to add to the Bible) that is our testimony of our relationship with God.  If we have children, our books will not only be ours, but will overlap our childrens’ stories.  

If you know me at all, you probably know my story. I am pretty transparent and love to brag on God and all the ways He’s working in and through my life.  I am amazed to see what He does and the impact that my little life has on others.  You are probably aware that my husband and I are in the process of adopting a beautiful baby girl, born last month, but do you know her story?  Today I want to share with you the first chapter of the Book of Lila.

To tell you this story, I have to start a little with the Book of Laura.  About 10 or so years ago, before I met my husband I received a word from God that I would someday have twins.  Fast forward to February 2011.  My son was almost 2 and we decided it was time to start trying for another pregnancy, one that I believed would fulfill that promise from God.  Time went on and we did not conceive.  During that time, we read ‘The Circle Maker’ by Mark Batterson.  At one point in the story, he shares that God told him to pray for 2 million dollars to complete a project he was working on.  He had no idea where the money would come from, but he prayed believing for it.  One day, a couple meets with him and tells him that God told them to give him 3 million dollars.  I felt after reading that that God speaking to me though that and that we would not only have the twins, but one more child would join our family.  In my mind, it was triplets, believing that my time was running short for two more pregnancies to happen.  I kept it to myself, thinking it a bit crazy, but as I was talking to a new friend one day, sharing my story about the twins (and nothing about the third baby), she said she believed that I would not only have twins, but that I would also have a little girl added to our family.  So I began believing more strongly that there would be three more children in our future.

More time went by and I realized I was showing signs of menopause and had been for a few years.  It took two doctors, several blood tests and about 6 months to finally have it confirmed.  In September of last year, I was told that I was unable to have any more children due to premature menopause.  The doctor said that our only hope for a biological child was surrogacy and that wasn't for us. To tell you the truth, I was actually relieved.  The pressure was off me and I could just relax and watch God work and that’s exactly what I told Him. Although we weren't planning to actively seek it out, adopting a child has always been on my heart and became even more so as I started becoming more involved and aware of abortion issues.  My husband wasn't as keen on the idea.  I wasn’t looking to adopt to fulfill God’s promise, in fact, I didn’t want that to happen, but I just felt strongly that it was something I was called to do. I had talked to my husband many times about it and he was always resistant to it, because he wanted to see if we would have our own, so I prayed that if God wanted us to adopt, for my husband to make the decision and say ‘yes’ to it. That was 2 years ago.  

About a month after being told that I was unable to conceive, on October 17, I got a call from a friend who had been made aware of a woman in need of an adoptive family for her baby.  I wasn’t really hopeful, knowing how my husband felt about it, but I approached him with it anyway, praying and knowing what I had prayed just a couple years before.  He was skeptical, but by that evening, he said ‘yes’ and we started the process.  A month later, we met the birth mom and she chose us right away.  I was present at an ultrasound and in the delivery room when my daughter was born.  God placed women in the delivery room that were Christians (and went to our church, although I didn’t know that at first) and I was able to have a room and stay right there with Lila.  One of Lila’s nurses after her delivery also goes to our church, which I didn’t know until just a few days ago.  Every new shift, our story would be shared and the nurse would come in the room asking me to tell it to her.  Lila had an impact from the very beginning. 

When we were choosing her name, we chose to put together one of Dave’s favorite names and one of mine - Lila Bryn.  Her name means, ‘You are mine from on high’.  Lila also means ‘Lilac’ which I liked because I felt that we had been in a winter season for the past 4 years and we needed spring.  She was due January 30, but made her appearance just an hour and a half after midnight on February 1, the very month 4 years ago that we had started trying to conceive.  In the Bible, 4 is a number representing a season and our season of barrenness has ended.  February in the Hebrew calendar is also a celebratory month in which they prepare for the coming spring.  Nothing is insignificant with God.

This little miss is such a blessing to us and I am excited to see what God has in store for her life. He has truly set her apart and placed her in a family who will guide her to follow Him, which would not have been the case otherwise. I still believe God’s word to me and am looking forward to bragging on Him when it happens.  Until then, we enjoy our ‘above and beyond’ baby.

Heaven is a Place on Earth

On August 27th, we laid to rest a beautiful, sweet and gentle member of our family.  She was our standard poodle, Rosie.  A strawberry blond bundle of soft fur and big brown eyes, Rosie came to our family in October of 2012 at 8 weeks old.   Sadly, we found out 4 months in when she was 6 months old that she had Juvenile Renal Dysplasia, a devastating disorder in which the kidneys never mature beyond the fetal state.  She was in chronic renal failure.  The prognosis is always death and there is no cure, only palliative care to maintain a good quality of life and possibly extend it by taking the load off the kidneys.  Most of what I had read said that dogs with both kidneys effected lived 2 years or less, most less than a year, and she had both effected.  I did as much as I could by changing her diet and we loved on her as much as we possibly could. She spent almost 2 years with us and passed away 17 days after her 2nd birthday.  She lived a full year more than most. Despite her difficulties, she had a good life.

Shortly after she was diagnosed, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Sadly, I don't have a lot of memories of her during that time, but my husband tells me she spent a lot of time snuggling with me while I recovered from surgery.  For two years prior to her joining us, we had been trying to conceive unsuccessfully.  She was a source of joy and unconditional love in a period of time in our lives that was especially difficult.

As I have been mourning her passing, my 5 year old has been satisfied that she is in Heaven.  He doesn't understand my grief in light of that fact. And I do believe it is fact. [If you believe emphatically that animals do not go to Heaven, please do not express that here.  My heart cannot handle that right now. Thanks.] This is not a post on the equality of animals to humans (which I do not claim), but rather an examination of what the Bible says about Heaven.

When the earth was created by God, death was not part of His original plan.  Animals and humans were created on the 5th and 6th days with a unique characteristic - the 'breath of life' (Genesis 7:15, in Hebrew 'ruach chayyim,' the 'spirit of life').  Eden was a prepared dwelling place for Adam and Eve and the dwelling place of God on Earth.  Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden and it was a place of sufficiency for animals and humans alike. Without sin entering the picture, all of creation was to be eternal (no death) and in the presence of God.  Animals and humans were companions; animals being specifically created for the purpose of companionship with man. When sin entered, death and destruction entered the earth; the fear of man came upon animals and that companionship was broken. Humans were banned from the perfection of Eden and exiled to a broken version of the original earthly plan.

What is your view on Heaven? Do you imagine it as a place in the clouds where we gain wings when we die? Do you imagine an eternal church service?  Either of those could sound peaceful or boring. When I was first learning about Heaven, I read about 'streets of gold' and a city environment.  Not being much of a city person, that disappointed me.  I wanted trees, flowers and wide open spaces.

In scripture, there are two descriptions of Heaven.  There is the 'present' Heaven where those who die in Christ before His return dwell until the final redemption occurs.  The Bible doesn't give much description of it, but it has at least two parts to it - a city (Jerusalem) and a garden (Eden).  It is where God, Jesus and angels dwell, a separated space from Earth.  Those who have died before Christ's return have some sort of resurrected body (Rev 6), but will be reunited with their earthly bodies at the moment of the rapture (1 Thess. 4:16-18).  This leads us to the 'New Earth'.  After Christ's return, we will be reunited with our present earthly bodies and they will be 'made new' or redeemed to be free of any sickness, disease, disorder or imperfection.  In the same way, our present earth will be 'made new'.  Just like the Earth was 'destroyed' in Noah's flood, it will be 'destroyed' with fire. This is not to say that it will cease to exist and a new one will replace it, but that it will be cleansed to start new.  Earth 2.0, if you will. After that, those who have died in Christ will occupy the New Earth for all eternity.  God will join us on the New Earth and dwell among us as He did in the Garden of Eden. 

Does that go against what you have always thought of Heaven?  It excites me!  All the places I will not have the opportunity to visit in this life, I will have eternity to explore and at 1000 times the beauty it is now.  The way creation was MEANT to be before it was corrupted by sin. There will be no death, no disease, no sorrow.  We will be fully human, yet perfect and in perfect communion with God. We will eat, fellowship with others, and generally enjoy God's creation. We will also worship, which I don't think will be an isolated, corporate event as it is in many cases now, but an attitude that we exhibit as a way of life.  God's presence will be our light and all that exists around Him will bring Him glory.

Back to my original thought. Is Rosie in Heaven? Will I see her again and enjoy her companionship for eternity?  I believe I will.  God created her as He did every living thing.  It was Him who gave her the 'breath of life.'  God did not introduce or create death.  To believe that the creatures He created would end their lives in death, without the possibility of redemption and freedom from the curse, seems counterintuitive to who God is, in my opinion.  This is where we see the importance of it for us.  If an animal could live for eternity, we obviously we do too.

The more important question is will YOU be in Heaven? I am wondering if my dog will be in Heaven because I am sure of my entrance there when I die because of my relationship with Christ. The brokenness of our world corrupted her body and brought on premature death. I look forward to seeing her whole and healthy. God's love for us is so great that He went to great lengths to conquer death for us and give us the opportunity to live the life He originally intended as a free gift. We can do nothing to earn it. Animals being in Heaven is secondary to YOU being there.  Whether they go there or not does not depend on a relationship with Christ, but it does for humans. Do you have a relationship with Christ? The Bible clearly states that to spend eternity with Christ, we must have a relationship with Him.  You have the choice to follow Him or not. That is our distinction that sets us apart from animals; we have God's spirit in us that gives us the Free Will to choose Him or reject Him. However, if we reject Him, He rejects us and our eternity is spent apart from Him.  Apart from God is death, fear, sorrow, pain, despair, disease and isolation. With God is life, joy, peace, love, wholeness, fellowship and beauty.  What will you choose?

The World Vision Debacle

World Vision. Oh, World Vision. What a quandry you have created for Christians who support you. This is a sign of the times. It’s not the issue, it is a symptom of a greater problem. Homosexuality isn’t even the issue here, although we want to make it the issue to make the loss of support seem outrageous and nitpicky. Rich Stearns came out and said that the reason he and his organization had changed their policy on same-sex marriage was to defer to the authority of the local church and to remove an issue that is causing division in churches. It makes Christians sound petty and like that is the only issue we focus on. It is simply the issue being pushed currently, but the broader issue here is the belief that the Bible must change with new social belief systems, that it needs to evolve and that God would want us to change the way we believe because we have evolved. I have heard all of those things in explanation of acceptance of many previously unacceptable practices. This is not the first time an organization has come out to say that they were going to change the way they believed on one, small, seemingly unimportant subject from the Bible and that it was okay because they kept the Gospel intact. Sorry, folks it doesn’t work that way. Either the Bible is ALL true or it isn’t. If you start chipping away at the Biblical truths, you take the power and validity out of the Gospel. Each compromise chips away at the foundation of faith for believers and non-believers alike.



Let’s look at the life of Joe Student. He attends public school, but grows up in a Christian home. He attends college in Michigan where he begins to attend church at Mars Hill Church. He listens to Pastor Rob Bell week after week. Rob Bell is the author of ‘Love Wins’, a book that in essence teaches that Hell is actually the difficulties we face on earth and is the consequence for our sins while living this life, but our good, merciful and all-loving God does not condemn His creation to an eternity away from Him. So there is no Hell, no eternity away from God. What did Christ die for? Chip, chip…



Sin! He died to take away our sins! Welllll, are there really any sins? The Espicopal Church and many others have taken a stand supporting Same-sex marriage and abortion, so homosexuality has been removed from the list in 1 Corinthians and abortion ‘is not mentioned‘ in the Bible, so apparently that means it‘s not wrong:

‘Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.’ (notice verse 11 says, ‘you once were’, not ‘you still are, but it’s okay, I won’t hold it against you‘)



　

or this verse in 1 Timothy:

‘We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.’



　

Really any sin can be justified and explained away, so why call anything a sin? So Jesus died for our sins and to open the door to an eternity in God’s presence. Well, there aren’t really any sins and Hell is only the difficulties we face on earth, so what exactly is the Gospel for? Chip, chip, chip…



So, we have Joe Student learning from false prophets all through college and into the working world with a weak and diluted faith. If he passes on what he has learned, he adds to he already weak populations of Christ-followers.



Each compromise disarms and dilutes the Gospel and by default, the Bible. They make it irrelevant. Not only do we have these compromises on social issues, but we have Christians promoting evolution as God’s method of Creation. This leads to an even further dilution of the Gospel because it takes away the fact that humans are a special creation, made in God’s image. Chuck Smith, the deceased founder of Calvary Chapel had a radio show before his death. I listened to two of them in which he disregarded God’s Word. In one, he said that children were only good to have if they were useful and the necessity of large families no longer existed because we are no longer an agrarian society. He touted the use of birth control because we shouldn’t be having more than two or three children per family. In another radio show, a woman called in who had been advised to abort her conjoined twins. He told her she should abort, that God would understand and forgive her and that he did not have time to pray for her. I was appalled that a leader of such a huge church would resort to worldly and sinful remedy for this difficulty instead of appealing to God for a miracle.


The World Vision debacle is just a small piece of a bigger problem. We as a church are getting weaker and weaker in the face of societal pressures. The Bible says that we will face persecution for Him and all of this compromise is just an attempt to avoid that persecution. Do I think that people should pull their support from World Vision for this policy change? I don’t know and I won’t advise anyone either way. That is between each person and God. I am honestly glad we don’t support them so I was not in a position to make this decision. It is unfortunate that the support will be lost, but I do understand. If World Vision is willing to compromise on a seemingly small issue, what else are they compromising on? Let’s say that a same sex couple is serving together in India and are asked by a child about their relationship. How do they handle it? Children ask innocent questions and believe things that they learn at a young age. The answer they give can make or break a child’s faith.

As a church, we need to get some courage and be ready for war. Face persecution with grace and unwaivering faith. Nope, it will not be easy and the temptation to compromise will be great, but the compromise of organizations like World Vision and the Epsicopal Church puts the rest of the faith community in a precarious position. We will be bullied to change our policies and beliefs simply because another faith-based organization did and I’m sure there will be threats of the loss of funding and tax-exemptions if we do not conform. Get your armor ready, friends, the war is raging!

The Battle is the Lord's

If you have read my previous post, you are aware that I had a battle with Breast Cancer this year. (Please refer to my previous post for the details). After writing that blog entry, my husband and I met with an oncologist for a follow-up after the post surgery evaluation of the cancer. There were still some questions to be answered from the results, so we had to go back again in a couple of weeks. The oncologist was unsure of whether he wanted me to pursue additional treatment through chemotherapy and/or Tamoxifen. He knew our plans and hopes for more children and advised us that both treatments would likely eliminate the possibility of conceiving on our own again (please see my entry from April of last year). When we returned, he said that the surgery was enough and further treatment was unnecessary. What a huge blessing! He also let us know that the cancer was moving fast. When I had my biopsy, the technicians told me that they had removed most of the tumors. By the time of my surgery, 6 weeks later, the cancer had grown again to the point that it was beginning to invade the tissue outside of the duct. Another huge blessing that it was found so early.

At the time of my diagnosis, I had a vision of God.(if you have never heard of this, it is a supernatural dream, but most times while you are awake. It is a way for God to speak to us)   He stepped off His throne and down into a battlefield. He was dressed like a Roman soldier, but without any helmet. I was standing on the battlefield, completely unprepared for battle, seemingly caught unaware. He stepped in front of me, swept me behind Him with His right hand, holding me there as He protected me from the battle waged against me. In His left hand, He held a large shield. With it, He stopped fiery arrows that were shot in my direction. I knew He would fight that battle for me. I did not need to fight. In Exodus 14:14, it says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only BE STILL.”

He fights for us and He has already won the battle. We need only trust His will and His hand on our lives. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous (and victorious) right hand.”

If you know Him, God is always with you, giving you strength for your journey; helping you go through your storm. In Ephesians 6, Paul talks about the armor of God. In verse 16, the Shield of Faith is mentioned and is used to stop the burning arrows of the enemy. It occurred to me that the shield God used in my vision was not His own weapon, it was my faith that He used as the shield. Faith He had grown in me through many different trials in my life.

Every storm or battle we go through gives us the opportunity to build our faith and our shield grows larger. Now a strong faith does not guarantee that things will turn out exactly as WE would like them to. He does promise He will works all things for good for us though.

 My story is the one God planned for me, but I know others have different and sometimes more difficult battles. If you have been battling breast cancer and have had to endure chemo or other treatments, it does not reflect on a lack of faith. God uses us to minister to others and He could be using you to show Him to another woman going through the same thing. I had that opportunity within 10 days of my surgery and it was an amazing experience. I was able to speak hope into someone else’s life and I am glad for the opportunity.

Though I never would have picked this path, I am grateful for it. The opportunity to minister to others and share hope has been one I never would have had without cancer. I am reminded of Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane before His death. He asked to be released from the painful experience he was about to endure, but He was submitted to God’s will and was aware of the good that would come from it. I have felt the same way throughout this experience. Though I prayed for a release from the battle, I trusted that God was in control and He would get me through whatever came my way. I knew He would use my experience for good for me, my family and others.  Living life that way brings that ‘peace that passes understanding’ and joy which is our strength.

I pray that whatever storm you are going through will bring you closer to the God who created you and loves you and that you will find unexplainable peace, healing, joy and a growth to your faith. You will make it through. He fights for you and He will always be victorious.

Praise You in the Storm

When I was young, I spent summers outside, not going in the house except for eating, sleeping and bathroom breaks. Spending that much time outside, I learned early how to discern when a change in weather was on its way. There was the smell of rain, the slight changes in the air, the sudden calm and the just as sudden rush of wind that indicated a storm was coming, even before a rumble or a flash. I love thunderstorms, so after these signs came and the rumbles started, I would get excited and seek just enough shelter to be able to fully enjoy the coming show. I enjoy the beauty of a thunderstorm. I still have been known to sit outside in the early morning hours to watch a thunderstorm in the calm, quiet and serene pre-dawn. That joy quickly turns to caution and even fear, however, when storms turn strong and have ‘tornado’ attached to them. The beauty of the storm is masked by the danger it presents. We all know the damage a severe storm can bring.
In life, we all face storms. The Bible is explicit on this, “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). Each person’s storm has a different name, just like hurricanes, but we will all face them at one time or another. Some rumble through and hinder our plans temporarily, some are EF5 tornadoes leaving our lives unrecognizable and requiring us to pick up what matters most and start over.

Over the past two years, my husband and I attempted to expand our family unsuccessfully. During that time, I had a sense a storm was coming. I tried to deny it and chalk it up to fear, but I couldn’t shake it. I could smell it in the air. We found that I did not have ‘infertility’ in the traditional sense. There was no reason for me not to be getting pregnant. On January 3, the atmosphere began to change. A routine ob/gyn visit revealed a lump in my right breast. I was told it was probably nothing, but referred to a breast surgeon as a precaution. I had an ultrasound that showed that it was a ‘complex’ cyst. The surgeon initially wanted me to have a lumpectomy, but then inexplicably changed his mind and set me up with another appointment with him in 3 months. I was to have another ultrasound and a mammogram before the appointment.

The time between my last appointment with the surgeon and my ultrasound was the sudden and eerie calm. I felt like the cyst was ‘it’ and nothing else would come of it. On the day of the ultrasound and mammogram, the first flashes of lightning and rumbles of thunder. The mammogram showed ‘microcalcifications’ - indications of changes in the tissue and all smaller than a grain of sand. Nothing that is palpable. I was immediately scheduled for a biopsy. Again, I was reassured that 80% of biopsies have benign results. The calcifications were in two separate areas, so one biopsy turned into two and they believed they had gotten most of the calcifications.

On April 25, the storm broke. Big droplets of rain, blinding lightning, thunder claps that sizzle through the air, gale-forced winds. The kind of storm that sends you running for shelter. I was not told ahead of time to take my husband with me, a mistake on the part of the doctor’s office. I took this to mean that there was no bad news. My appointment was originally scheduled in the morning when my son would be at school, but due to an emergency surgery, my surgeon couldn’t meet me until noon. My son had to go with me. I was thankful I hadn’t had to go on my own. I was told I had a type of cancer called DCIS - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. It is a non-invasive ‘pre-cancer’ of sorts located in the milk ducts. The other part of it was that it was an aggressive form, high grade DCIS, that could eventually break out of the milk ducts and spread. The surgeon wanted to schedule surgery in the next few weeks, but I had to have an MRI first. I had the MRI and genetic testing (which came back negative) and found some respite in in the distraction of my son’s birthday that weekend. On May 7, my husband and I returned to the surgeon to discuss my options. The MRI had shown that the left side was clear, but the tumors had multiplied. He laid out 3 possibilities and gave us the choice. Double mastectomy seemed like the most devastating of the three for many reasons, but mainly because we still do want more children and I would not be able to nurse my babies like I had my son. By the time I got home though, I felt that it was the best choice. It would reduce my risk of developing more cancer and completely remove the cancer I already had. We decided to pray and make our final decision when we returned from a long-planned family vacation the following weekend. We came back confident in our decision to have the double mastectomy and began the process of preparing for surgery.

As this storm broke, the only thing I could do was to seek shelter.

 

  I had a peace that was unexplainable and not my normal state of mind.

I had to reflect on the amazing events that led up to the discovery of cancer. If I had gotten pregnant, it would not have been detected as soon and could have possibly been accelerated. If I had not had the cyst, I would not have had another mammogram until I was 40. 

  

On the day of the surgery, the peace persisted. I am normally a wreck when going to doctors’ offices and that day, there was no fear, no nerves, no anxiety. The surgery went very well. My doctors had listened to me about the kind of incision I wanted and I have minimal scarring from the surgery. I was concerned that I would be awake when I went into the OR and though I seemed coherent to those around me, I have no memory of those moments. Recovery, however, was challenging. I was definitely in pain and depression threatened to set in. The first week after surgery was the hardest week of the whole journey. On day 5, the bandages came off and I got the first glimpse of my new shape, full of bruises and incisions. Depression threatened even harder. Through it all, God was there, understanding what I was feeling, reminding me of what He had saved me from. The more I learn, the more I realize that I was rescued from something more serious. Though I had a non-invasive cancer, there was an element of invasive malignancy to the tumors that had already broken out of the milk ducts. Without the discovery of the cyst that lead to the cancer diagnosis, I most certainly would have had a much tougher fight on my hands in a few years, possibly for my life.

The most important thing to me throughout this, secondary to more children, is that people understand what God has done and is doing. This was not just for me, it was for you as well. One of the things I love about thunderstorms is the dangerous beauty of it. From a distance, the flashes of lightning, whether visible bolts or a kaleidoscope of light within the clouds, are breathtakingly beautiful. I hope, that as people see me walk through this storm, holding tightly to the hand of my Warrior-King Father, that they see that beauty shining through. That beauty is not me, but Him. The light radiating from me is His. Nothing about my reaction to this situation was ’normal’. It is all God.

After a storm, we always look for the rainbow.  It is a reminder of God's promise and the serene beauty that follows the storm.  Even if you are going through a storm, with God, there will always be a rainbow at the end of it. (By the way, this was a double rainbow that happened just a couple of months ago).