The Battle is the Lord's

If you have read my previous post, you are aware that I had a battle with Breast Cancer this year. (Please refer to my previous post for the details). After writing that blog entry, my husband and I met with an oncologist for a follow-up after the post surgery evaluation of the cancer. There were still some questions to be answered from the results, so we had to go back again in a couple of weeks. The oncologist was unsure of whether he wanted me to pursue additional treatment through chemotherapy and/or Tamoxifen. He knew our plans and hopes for more children and advised us that both treatments would likely eliminate the possibility of conceiving on our own again (please see my entry from April of last year). When we returned, he said that the surgery was enough and further treatment was unnecessary. What a huge blessing! He also let us know that the cancer was moving fast. When I had my biopsy, the technicians told me that they had removed most of the tumors. By the time of my surgery, 6 weeks later, the cancer had grown again to the point that it was beginning to invade the tissue outside of the duct. Another huge blessing that it was found so early.

At the time of my diagnosis, I had a vision of God.(if you have never heard of this, it is a supernatural dream, but most times while you are awake. It is a way for God to speak to us)   He stepped off His throne and down into a battlefield. He was dressed like a Roman soldier, but without any helmet. I was standing on the battlefield, completely unprepared for battle, seemingly caught unaware. He stepped in front of me, swept me behind Him with His right hand, holding me there as He protected me from the battle waged against me. In His left hand, He held a large shield. With it, He stopped fiery arrows that were shot in my direction. I knew He would fight that battle for me. I did not need to fight. In Exodus 14:14, it says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only BE STILL.”

He fights for us and He has already won the battle. We need only trust His will and His hand on our lives. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous (and victorious) right hand.”

If you know Him, God is always with you, giving you strength for your journey; helping you go through your storm. In Ephesians 6, Paul talks about the armor of God. In verse 16, the Shield of Faith is mentioned and is used to stop the burning arrows of the enemy. It occurred to me that the shield God used in my vision was not His own weapon, it was my faith that He used as the shield. Faith He had grown in me through many different trials in my life.

Every storm or battle we go through gives us the opportunity to build our faith and our shield grows larger. Now a strong faith does not guarantee that things will turn out exactly as WE would like them to. He does promise He will works all things for good for us though.

 My story is the one God planned for me, but I know others have different and sometimes more difficult battles. If you have been battling breast cancer and have had to endure chemo or other treatments, it does not reflect on a lack of faith. God uses us to minister to others and He could be using you to show Him to another woman going through the same thing. I had that opportunity within 10 days of my surgery and it was an amazing experience. I was able to speak hope into someone else’s life and I am glad for the opportunity.

Though I never would have picked this path, I am grateful for it. The opportunity to minister to others and share hope has been one I never would have had without cancer. I am reminded of Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane before His death. He asked to be released from the painful experience he was about to endure, but He was submitted to God’s will and was aware of the good that would come from it. I have felt the same way throughout this experience. Though I prayed for a release from the battle, I trusted that God was in control and He would get me through whatever came my way. I knew He would use my experience for good for me, my family and others.  Living life that way brings that ‘peace that passes understanding’ and joy which is our strength.

I pray that whatever storm you are going through will bring you closer to the God who created you and loves you and that you will find unexplainable peace, healing, joy and a growth to your faith. You will make it through. He fights for you and He will always be victorious.

Praise You in the Storm

When I was young, I spent summers outside, not going in the house except for eating, sleeping and bathroom breaks. Spending that much time outside, I learned early how to discern when a change in weather was on its way. There was the smell of rain, the slight changes in the air, the sudden calm and the just as sudden rush of wind that indicated a storm was coming, even before a rumble or a flash. I love thunderstorms, so after these signs came and the rumbles started, I would get excited and seek just enough shelter to be able to fully enjoy the coming show. I enjoy the beauty of a thunderstorm. I still have been known to sit outside in the early morning hours to watch a thunderstorm in the calm, quiet and serene pre-dawn. That joy quickly turns to caution and even fear, however, when storms turn strong and have ‘tornado’ attached to them. The beauty of the storm is masked by the danger it presents. We all know the damage a severe storm can bring.
In life, we all face storms. The Bible is explicit on this, “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). Each person’s storm has a different name, just like hurricanes, but we will all face them at one time or another. Some rumble through and hinder our plans temporarily, some are EF5 tornadoes leaving our lives unrecognizable and requiring us to pick up what matters most and start over.

Over the past two years, my husband and I attempted to expand our family unsuccessfully. During that time, I had a sense a storm was coming. I tried to deny it and chalk it up to fear, but I couldn’t shake it. I could smell it in the air. We found that I did not have ‘infertility’ in the traditional sense. There was no reason for me not to be getting pregnant. On January 3, the atmosphere began to change. A routine ob/gyn visit revealed a lump in my right breast. I was told it was probably nothing, but referred to a breast surgeon as a precaution. I had an ultrasound that showed that it was a ‘complex’ cyst. The surgeon initially wanted me to have a lumpectomy, but then inexplicably changed his mind and set me up with another appointment with him in 3 months. I was to have another ultrasound and a mammogram before the appointment.

The time between my last appointment with the surgeon and my ultrasound was the sudden and eerie calm. I felt like the cyst was ‘it’ and nothing else would come of it. On the day of the ultrasound and mammogram, the first flashes of lightning and rumbles of thunder. The mammogram showed ‘microcalcifications’ - indications of changes in the tissue and all smaller than a grain of sand. Nothing that is palpable. I was immediately scheduled for a biopsy. Again, I was reassured that 80% of biopsies have benign results. The calcifications were in two separate areas, so one biopsy turned into two and they believed they had gotten most of the calcifications.

On April 25, the storm broke. Big droplets of rain, blinding lightning, thunder claps that sizzle through the air, gale-forced winds. The kind of storm that sends you running for shelter. I was not told ahead of time to take my husband with me, a mistake on the part of the doctor’s office. I took this to mean that there was no bad news. My appointment was originally scheduled in the morning when my son would be at school, but due to an emergency surgery, my surgeon couldn’t meet me until noon. My son had to go with me. I was thankful I hadn’t had to go on my own. I was told I had a type of cancer called DCIS - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. It is a non-invasive ‘pre-cancer’ of sorts located in the milk ducts. The other part of it was that it was an aggressive form, high grade DCIS, that could eventually break out of the milk ducts and spread. The surgeon wanted to schedule surgery in the next few weeks, but I had to have an MRI first. I had the MRI and genetic testing (which came back negative) and found some respite in in the distraction of my son’s birthday that weekend. On May 7, my husband and I returned to the surgeon to discuss my options. The MRI had shown that the left side was clear, but the tumors had multiplied. He laid out 3 possibilities and gave us the choice. Double mastectomy seemed like the most devastating of the three for many reasons, but mainly because we still do want more children and I would not be able to nurse my babies like I had my son. By the time I got home though, I felt that it was the best choice. It would reduce my risk of developing more cancer and completely remove the cancer I already had. We decided to pray and make our final decision when we returned from a long-planned family vacation the following weekend. We came back confident in our decision to have the double mastectomy and began the process of preparing for surgery.

As this storm broke, the only thing I could do was to seek shelter.

 

  I had a peace that was unexplainable and not my normal state of mind.

I had to reflect on the amazing events that led up to the discovery of cancer. If I had gotten pregnant, it would not have been detected as soon and could have possibly been accelerated. If I had not had the cyst, I would not have had another mammogram until I was 40. 

  

On the day of the surgery, the peace persisted. I am normally a wreck when going to doctors’ offices and that day, there was no fear, no nerves, no anxiety. The surgery went very well. My doctors had listened to me about the kind of incision I wanted and I have minimal scarring from the surgery. I was concerned that I would be awake when I went into the OR and though I seemed coherent to those around me, I have no memory of those moments. Recovery, however, was challenging. I was definitely in pain and depression threatened to set in. The first week after surgery was the hardest week of the whole journey. On day 5, the bandages came off and I got the first glimpse of my new shape, full of bruises and incisions. Depression threatened even harder. Through it all, God was there, understanding what I was feeling, reminding me of what He had saved me from. The more I learn, the more I realize that I was rescued from something more serious. Though I had a non-invasive cancer, there was an element of invasive malignancy to the tumors that had already broken out of the milk ducts. Without the discovery of the cyst that lead to the cancer diagnosis, I most certainly would have had a much tougher fight on my hands in a few years, possibly for my life.

The most important thing to me throughout this, secondary to more children, is that people understand what God has done and is doing. This was not just for me, it was for you as well. One of the things I love about thunderstorms is the dangerous beauty of it. From a distance, the flashes of lightning, whether visible bolts or a kaleidoscope of light within the clouds, are breathtakingly beautiful. I hope, that as people see me walk through this storm, holding tightly to the hand of my Warrior-King Father, that they see that beauty shining through. That beauty is not me, but Him. The light radiating from me is His. Nothing about my reaction to this situation was ’normal’. It is all God.

After a storm, we always look for the rainbow.  It is a reminder of God's promise and the serene beauty that follows the storm.  Even if you are going through a storm, with God, there will always be a rainbow at the end of it. (By the way, this was a double rainbow that happened just a couple of months ago).

The Truth About Evolution

These days Evolution is a concept taught in school as fact, although the concept itself is in constant evolution. If you are a person who does not believe in Evolution, this can be a daunting idea that your child will be exposed to these theories. Evolution is not jus a scientific concept, it is a mindset that has permeated our society. Evolution brings about a thought that there is no purpose to life and we all make our own destiny. It also assumes that this life is all there is and that there is no God. That is why I am writing this. If you are a parent with children in school, not yet in school or will someday have children, it is important to have the information to help your child see life from the side of Creation. Looking at it through these eyes brings purpose, respect and hope. It is also the truth.
My experience with Evolution comes as a result of my studies in college. I attended Liberty University, a fundamental Christian college, as a Biology major. The beginning of life on earth was understood, therefore not studied and study of the on the functions, formulas and facts in science was the primary focus. It wasn’t until I transferred to a SUNY school that I was bombarded with Evolution. At first, it angered me. I refused to take it in except to regurgitate it on the test. One day, however, God challenged me to find the truth in Evolution. As Christians, we are taught or just believe that Evolution is totally wrong. What I found though was that there was truth within the theories of evolution that were buried under all of the ‘magic’.
First, what Evolution is. As I said, it has been an evolving theory over many years. It was not a new concept when Darwin wrote about it in the 1800s. Darwin merely put it to paper, giving the existing scientists something to use to ‘prove’ their theories. Darwin’s idea was that of ‘survival of the fittest’ or ‘Natural Selection‘. Essentially, this means that when two of the same species reproduce, there may be certain changes (genetic mutations) in the offspring that make them better able to survive in their environment. Those without these beneficial characteristics may not survive to reproduce while the ones with the better traits do, producing a better versions of the species. Over time, genetic mutations continue to happen, creating better and better versions of the species, which eventually become new species, vastly different from those in the previous generations. Truthfully, genetic mutations are primarily detrimental to an individual like Albinism in animals. Evolution was supposed to have begun with single-celled bacteria, which eventually evolved into the millions of species of plants and animals that exist in the world today. Of course, these changes also are said to have happened over hundreds of millions of years. When I was in high school biology over 20 years ago, the main idea in Evolution was that humans evolved from apes. That changed to some sort of common ancestor and a ‘tree’ to show how all of the similar species evolved independently of each other. By the time I was at the SUNY school, birds had evolved from dinosaurs. As my son watches childrens’ shows about dinosaurs, dinosaurs are now something different than reptiles and the time it has taken species to evolve gets longer.
Isaac Newton developed irrefutable scientific laws in the 1600s and 1700s relating to motion and thermodynamics. Of most interest is his second law of thermodynamics. He states that in an isolated system, everything goes toward entropy or randomness (disorder). At the beginning of the universe there was the lowest amount of disorder and everything progresses in the direction of increased disorder over time. Evolution is a progression of increased complexity and order, not toward randomness. We can see that this law is true in how we age and watching the decay of an abandoned house. When left alone, an abandoned house wouldn’t become a mansion. Evolution violates this basic and accepted scientific law.
In the next few entries, I will help you find the truth in evolution and obtain a more complete picture of Creation itself.